Here's a scenario. You've been given a project to do and you have weeks, even months to plan. You put your time in, make contingency plans, and work around every situation that could possibly come up. In America the project would be 99% to come off without a hitch. That's the difference between America and Ukraine. In Ukraine, even with all of the planning and talking to others, you never really know what is going to happen. It's frustrating, but you have to just learn to let it go.
Yesterday was the official ending to our Odeska Oblast camps. We held five, two day camps around the oblast and travelled the days in between. I admit it was intense. Most interesting was that the most supportive communities had the best camps, while the least supportive had less students and structure. Mine fell in the middle. I've worked hard to get people involved and to make myself available but now that it's over I see how far I need to go.
The first day was fine, but very "uncamp" like. It took place in the school and Inna planned most of it. The seven volunteers there, including myself, didn't have a whole lot to do. This is kind of a big deal when the community has only seen two Americans in their lives.
Unfortunately, the biggest event that happened at my camp was when one of the volunteers hurt her knee and had to be taken to a hospital for x-rays. When we originally called Peace Corps medical, they told me my village had a surgical unit. Hahaha! After my friend, me and then my director explained "no! It is the smaller one south of Zatoka!" they finally realized they were looking at one of the other eight Mykoliavka's in the region. It's nice that they know where I live.
My friend's injury will now be the thing my village remembers. That, and girls shouldn't play sports. When the village doctor came to look at her knee she asked what she was doing playing sports in the first place.
The second day took place at the sea and we were supposed to meet the kids there. Except that Dima dropped us off at the wrong spot and I didn't know where the right spot was. We had two kids and after a day of frisbee and sand castles we had to ask them to leave so we could have some time alone. The idea was to camp that night but the weather had different plans and we were picked up around 9:30. Our old Soviet tent, although camouflage, would never have withstood the rain.
So the goal here is to let it all go, but honestly it's hard not to be disappointed. I look at my actual work as a volunteer and wonder if I'm fooling myself in how much I actually enjoy it here. It is usually when I am out of site living, or helping someone else on a project that is actually supported that I love it. But here at home I am tired of living with a family and being dependent on them. I am tired of teaching English to little kids who don't remember anything. I am tired of feeling like I am in my community for naught.
I am usually better at keeping this feeling at bay, but it is always there lurking. I know, I know, I am doing something, even if I don't see it. I just get jealous of those out there that have communities that really want them and are willing to work with them. On the positive, I am leaving site in four days until August. Perhaps it will give me the break and the perspective that I need.
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