I have not yet had a tutoring that I have not left crying. It is not the fact that my tutor tried to convince me that the apricot I was eating was really a peach or that the entire village that has taken her English class refers to a car as a cup because she taught them the wrong word. It is because every lesson ends up on the topic of work and work is my Achilles heel. I had no idea (and still don't I might add) what was going on and it was frustrating. Whenever the subject was brought up it would leave me more confused and more frustrated, ending in tears every time.
Let me start by explaining that I am a very organized individual who loves to plan. For example, I have been organizing my Russian notes for weeks without really sitting down and learning the information. Luckily the constant rewriting of information allows me to learn as well. So as the school year crept closer and I still had no schedule or idea of what I would be doing, I put it out of my head. Sure, it would be nice to plan, especially since I have basically no teaching experience, but this is Peace Corps! I need flexibility! I need to live on the edge! I remember a previous comment where I thought out loud, "hmmm, I wonder what will happen with that," meaning teaching. Day after day, instead of thinking about it and unnecessarily stressing, I put it out of my head. It will all work out, somehow.
Then came today, my first day of work, and I ended up with a stack of cards with frustration written on each of them. I told myself I wouldn't cry. Even as I sat at my desk in my cabinet crying I sat there biting my lip telling myself I wouldn't cry. I cry because I am frustrated. School starts this Saturday with a ceremony and I start teaching on Monday. I met with my tutor and she told me I would be teaching 3 hours a week – two English classes and a computer class. Getting information like grade level and English ability was like pulling teeth. "Ya ne zna-you shto detie znaet!" I don't know what the children know! How can I plan a curriculum without this basic piece of information?
Add another card. I speak Russian better than my tutor speaks English and she has a specialist's degree. My Russian is not good. It leaves me unable to express myself to anyone. If I am frustrated and try to explain why it always ends in more frustration because no one is able to understand me.
Add another card. I am not a TEFL (Teacher of English as a Foreign Language) volunteer. I was trained to teach Healthy Lifestyles, civics, clubs etc. I have six hours of teaching experience in my life and that was to children with at least a basic understanding of English. I ain't know expert in teaching and i ain't got no idea on English grammar.
After the meeting with my tutor I sat in my office, holding back tears, and decided to translate some questions to the director myself. Why did you request a volunteer? What are your goals for me? What do you want the students to learn from me? But even as I wrote them I knew the answers. To teach English, to learn English. Sigh, another card.
And as I sat there my host mom came in and asked how the planning was going. I took a deep breath and answered truthfully, not well. And unfortunately, she has just gotten out of a staff meeting where apparently it had been explained that I was teaching four hours of English a day. This is from the director's mouth. Really not well. Another card.
Now to all of you thinking four hours a week is not much and I should quit whining (and maybe I should) there is more information. I am required to teach only four hours a week because the structure of my program dictates that I work with community organizations as well. That is the biggest reason why I switched from NGO development to Youth Development. I wouldn't have to sit behind a desk for 40 hours a week but instead had the option of working with the NGOs I wanted, when I wanted, in addition to learning something new – teaching. Unfortunately I was put in a village with only one small NGO and a school that wants me to teach 20 hours a week. Card.
My director is out of town until Thursday which leaves me to plan a beginning English curriculum for either 3 or 20 hours a week for the next four months. Hmmmm. My manager is checking whether they messed up and actually did put me in a TEFL town. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. What I do know is that I have a really big castle of frustrating cards. The answers are in the top of the highest turret and I have to get past two dragons and a faulty bridge to get them – or at least that is how it feels.
In the end, I have to remind myself that this is the Peace Corps. I have to stare my fears and frustrations in the face and get past them. I knew it wouldn't be easy here and it isn't all of the time. Being ready for the curve balls and going with what is before me is not only the smart thing to do, but the only way to live here. And everything does work out somehow, and this too will pass.
Let me leave you with my favorite passage from a wonderful English teaching book I found. This example illustrates the superb plethora of high quality English books in the country. The words in bold are phrases translated into Russian at the end of the story. Gosh! What would I do if I couldn't say 'mega-gathering' or 'dropped a bigger bomb' in Russian?!
STAR WARS FANS
Christopher = C
Barry = B
C: Hi. How are you?
B: I am well, thanks. I heard there is a mega-gathering of 30,000 Star Wars geeks in Indianapolis, where George Lucas announced plans to move his space opera to the small screen.
C: Wow, but I do not feel like to go there. Yes, I love Star Wars but I am not a geek. Thanks to God.
B: You know that for George Lucas first appearance at a Star Wars convention in 17 years, Lucas made a big splash. Recently he has announced that he is going to produce a 3-D animated action series. Then he dropped a bigger bomb, confirming a live-action Star Wars spin-off series is in the works.
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Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games.
http://get.games.yahoo.com/proddesc?gamekey=monopolyherenow
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