As I watched the cats and dogs fight over the
intestines lying on the ground, I began to contemplate
the week's events. Ok, that's not exactly true. I
just really wanted to throw in somewhere that I
witnessed our fat puppy dragging raw intestines across
the yard somewhere into this story. I think it ups my
"village" points and increases my status as a Peace
Corps volunteer. It's not something one sees every
day and it's true! Intestines are really long!
The part about contemplating the week's events is
true. Actually, I reflect on the events of this week,
and this past year. I have never had more change
occur in myself in such a short period of time. I
have no idea what lies ahead, I'm just excited.
Let's start with the week. I had my first sports club
of the New Year and jeepers! it was really good. Kids
listened when I told them to collect balls and I even
had two girls show up. In contrast, my second/third
grade English Club today was an utter failure. Two
girls cried through half the lesson, and the only
listener was a girl who kept coming up to me
personally in the middle of sentences to tell me that
she wanted to learn.
Overall though, the students this semester are like
new students. They seem to have a respect for me that
wasn't there before. Maybe they are used to me, or
perhaps surprised that I came back after the New Year.
When I walk into school people are happy to see me, a
few students hug me, and even the boys call out
"hello!" with a smile. Actually, it was rather
disconcerting at first.
In addition the English teacher asked me for help. I
went into one of her classes today and talked about
American traditions. It went well and a few of the
kids are really excited about road trips now. The
teachers in general are talking to me more. Even if
they are just making fun of me about my upcoming
Ecology of the Black Sea speech, at least they notice
me. I make sure I'm at "teacher tea" every Tuesday,
Wednesday and Thursday.
Moving onto Crazy Organization Lady, this is my one
lose end in the village. I was waiting for some sort
of blow out and it started at our Wednesday meeting.
She came in with a plan for a grant written in Russian
(with only a little Ukrainian). We talked through it
the best we could, I told her I would translate it and
meet with Peace Corps next week to go over it and
determine what is possible and what is not. I assumed
that this was the end of the meeting, but apparently
she wanted something else. She then yelled at me,
telling me that I just wanted to kick her out of my
office and that she knew I understood her and I was
only pretending not to. Uh-huh.
She huffed and puffed and threatened to leave, which
at this point was what I really wanted her to do.
Instead she sat and pouted, sniffling and staring at
the wall, trying to make me feel guilty. Perhaps I
sound a bit harsh here, but understand, I am done
feeling guilty about my language skills. I have been
studying Russian less than a year, I study for 1-3
hours a day and I know what I know. I shouldn't have
to feel bad about not understanding. It's not
something I can miraculously change.
What I do feel guilty about is what will happen if I
don't work with her. Last fall when I was really
unhappy in my village and was seriously considering a
new site, something kept me back. My persistence paid
off and now village life is going really well. I
really like-even love sometimes-living here, my work
and my life. The only thing keeping me from cutting
Crazy Organization Lady out is my life is the
community. My village is small and like many
villages, everyone knows everyone. I fear the
consequences of cutting her out. If I shut her out,
my chances of working with any type of organization in
the village are slim, but with so much work outside my
village this doesn't seem to be a good enough reason
to keep working with her.
Over the past few months I have received a few letters
about Peace Corps not being up to my expectations and
my state of happiness. As far as expectations go, of
course they are not what I expected. I honestly had
no idea what to expect. I came in as an organization
volunteer and ended up teaching second graders
letters. Was I unhappy for awhile? That much is
obvious. What I want to emphasize is the past tense;
was.
I never expected life to be easy here. In fact, I
always saw that as one of the challenges of Peace
Corps. Cultural differences, not being understood,
not understanding and living without things I took for
granted in America. Life in general isn't a piece of
cake and to run away because something is hard or
frustrating doesn't make sense. Actually, the best
way to put it is through someone else's words. "You
want to find yourself. In doing so, you must first
lose yourself. The best way to do that is to sever
nearly every tie with what made you who you are (i.e.
your home culture). Sure, the other PCVs around you
will help remind you of the system you left, but they
don't follow you to your site. And when you are
alone, immersed, as they say, in a new culture and
language and tradition, you'll come to understand who
you really are and are not."
Peace Corps is all about cutting one down and building
them back up, better and stronger. I've never known
who I am and who I am not more than now. I've never
been more confident, had more patience, or
understanding of both sides of the story. In fact, I
had always considered myself quiet, reticent and
introverted until a new volunteer commented last week
that she didn't see that in me at all. I am Emily,
hear me roar.
All of this is really just my way of reassuring you,
my faithful blog readers, that I am happy. Sometimes
electrifyingly happy – so happy I want to scream and
dance. I mean I'm doing it! I live in a small
village overseas. I am a Peace Corps volunteer. I
speak Russian. I am making a difference, albeit
small. I am a better person. I am patient. I am
confident. I am so much more than I ever was before.
How can I be unhappy about that?
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1 comments:
freaking awesome!
~anna
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