It was interesting. Don't you love that word, interesting? It can have so many different meanings. It is a word, maybe along with amusing, that perfectly describes my first week. Some of it was good, some bad, some just strange, but all interesting and most amusing.
It all started on Saturday, September 1. September 1 is always the first day of school, no matter what day. It starts with the Opening Bell Ceremony. I went and stood in the Palace of Culture, the destination of many fascinating events in the past, for two hours. The ceremony was in Ukrainian, so really I didn't understand anything. I did my best to stifle my yawns and not until the end was my attention grabbed, when a boy hoisted a little girl on his shoulders and walked in circles around the auditorium, her ringing the bell and him following a girl dressed in a fancy dress complete with tiara, sash and something that looked like what the statue of liberty holds (is it a torch?). I remember thinking the only thing that would have made the event more complete is if the thing lit up.
Following the ceremony all students went to their first class of the day. I hung back with my host mom until she told me to go into the school and sit in Nastia's class. And how am I supposed to know where Nastia's class is? That is a thing here. They tell me where to go and when, even when I don't need their help. But every now and then they tell me to do something that would be impossible for me to do based on lack of information. So I waited in the school lobby until mom came along and asked what I was doing. Did she expect me to go around to all of the classes and ask if Nastia was there?
After another hour of incomprehensible Ukrainian I walked home with Nastia. I was just relaxing with a magazine when mom came in. "Why didn't you eat at the picnic?" This brings up an interesting cultural point in my village. I am asked questions like this often and am still having trouble getting used to it. This question does not just mean, "Why didn't you eat at the picnic?" Other possible meanings include:
1. Why didn't you eat at the picnic?
2. There is a picnic.
3. You should be there.
4. But it's probably too late now.
I didn't eat at the picnic because no one told me about the picnic. Were they expecting me to hang around the school after the ceremony in case I thought there might be a picnic?
Monday morning came around and I trudged off to school in my hideous American cloths – work cloths. Nastia asks everyday why I'm not wearing my UA jeans. Because I am a teacher does not seem to be a good enough answer. Monday came and went with me sitting in my office writing lesson plans. In fact, Tuesday passed the exact same way. Also in common with these days was my question, "What is my schedule?" Every day was the same….tomorrow, we'll talk about it tomorrow.
Wednesday I had a meeting with the NGO in my village. The director and only employee came to my office early and spent 20 minutes explaining her projects to me in extremely fast Sergik. I kept telling her to slow down but she would get excited ten seconds later and speed right back up again. She was mainly talking about green tourism. I wanted to clarify what she meant by this exactly, but how do you explain green tourism in Russian?
"What do you mean by green tourism?"
"It is summer! Everything is green and no one comes here in the winter!" (I write her responses with exclamation points because that is how she talks.)
Hmmmmm. "So you don't mean, clean tourism?" My limited language skills account for the clean part.
"Oh yes! The sea is clean here, we have no factories! My house is clean! Yes, very clean!"
Ok. Not really sure what to think here. This is when the English teacher/my interpreter came in. The director talked quickly for some time, my interpreter translated, and I became frustrated and asked more questions.
"You have six months to do research," my interpreter told me.
"To research what?!" I asked again.
"Yes!" was her reply for the fourth time in a row.
"But what do you want me to research!?"
"Yes, you have six months!"
Uh-huh.
"So, you want to turn your house into a hotel and lead tours," I ask in Russian and English.
"Yes!"
"Ok, so people will stay at your house and you will give them tours?"
"No! But people can stay at the house. We have four extra rooms."
An hour and a half of this later, the director started crying and told me "you don't believe! You have closed your heart!" I resisted my urge to defenestrate her and told her that I just didn't understand what she wanted me to research! I was fine doing some research if I could actually find an Internet connection somewhere; I just didn't know what I was supposed to be researching. Are you frustrated yet?
The meeting ended on a somewhat positive note. In the end she said plainly that she wanted to have people from the 23 villages in the rayon come to her house and take classes in green tourism. She wants me to research how to make her idea possible and then write a grant for the project. Why she didn't just say that at the beginning is a mystery.
On Thursday my mom came into my office and asked, "Did you drink tea?"
1. Did you drink tea?
2. Because we drank tea.
3. Why didn't you drink tea?
4. We drink tea everyday at this time.
5. You need to drink tea with us tomorrow.
Never mind telling me in advance "we drink tea in the teacher's lounge everyday at 12:10 after the three bells." Maybe they are just having fun with me?
Thursday was a pretty special day in general, in school and out. It was "clean the village and school" day. While the children toiled outside in the gardens and grounds I was locked up on the second floor. Literally. Since the kids were working they decided it would be a good idea to lock the door leading upstairs. When I came to work they opened the door for me and said they would unlock it in two hours. I offered to just go work at home, but no, it was no problem to lock me on the second floor.
I left without a schedule once again (tomorrow!) and after a huge lunch and some relaxing, I decided to go for a run to de-stress. About thirty minutes into my run I passed a man in his horse and carriage. I often pass by this man at this time of the day. He is a bit older, maybe mid to upper 40s. He is always shirtless – the norm for Ukrainian men, and he has a big cast from his hand to his shoulder. There is a colt that always runs alongside his horse and cart.
This particular Thursday he decided to wave me down for a conversation. This is normal. After a few times passing by people feel it is safe to ask me why I am there. So he stumbled out of his cart and made his way next to me…think close talker. He was obviously drunk and he wheezed like he had emphysema…which he probably does knowing the amount that most Ukrainian men smoke.
He spoke to me in slurred Sergik…meaning I couldn't understand a damn thing. The only words I caught were English, love, son, pretty and good. First it was just English and son. I figured he wanted me to teach English to his son. I pretended like I didn't understand because if I agree I will soon be teaching every single man in the village private English lessons. Then he mentioned love along with English and son. Hmmmm…. Maybe he wanted me to teach his son English in an effort to arrange a marriage.
In the end he realized I didn't understand anything he was saying. This is after diagrams with weeds in the dirt and repeated attempts to rephrase sentences. Finally he made to kiss my cheek. I backed away without thinking at which point he told me it was ok, kissed my cheek, held my hand, and repeated "pretty "and "good" many times.
I sprinted home. Creepy.
The true meaning is still a mystery:
A. He professed his love for me and thinks I am pretty and good.
B. He wants me to teach his son English in hopes we will marry. His son is handsome and good.
C. He wants me to teach his son English but he loves me and thinks I am pretty and good.
D. He professed his son's love for me and if I teach him English our relationship will be pretty and good.
I told my host family and they just laughed. And I laughed with them. What else can I do?
Friday started out as uneventful as Monday and Tuesday. Near the end of the day I decided I must be proactive! I will go and demand my schedule now! After the bell rang I went to talk to my counterpart/interpreter/English teacher and told her I really needed a schedule. She told me to go to my office and she would be there in ten minutes with my schedule.
After ten minutes she came into my office. I'm finally getting something, I thought. She gave me a sheet of paper with four Healthy Lifestyles classes on them.
"You will go to these classes and lecture for 50 minutes."
"Ok. But I can't lecture for fifty minutes in Russian. I am supposed to be co-teaching."
"No Emily. No problem. You will be lecturing in English!"
"But the students don't understand English."
"Never mind, you will lecture them for fifty minutes in English."
She was completely serious. They wanted me give English lectures to kids whose knowledge of English stopped at hello. I tried to explain the concept of co-teaching in Russian and English but she refused to give in. So did I. No way. That is not why I am here. She ended by saying that we would talk about it on Monday. Uh-huh. I ended by calling my manager again so she could call and explain co-teaching.
In the end I find the week all around amusing. It is like one of those sit-coms you watch and think, "does this really happen to people? Does stuff like this actually exist?" Yes. Apparently it exists in Ukraine.
What am I doing? Yes! We'll talk about it tomorrow.
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